It’s one week after my 100 km Ultra Trail Run Challenge with ~2,300 m elevation ascent and descent along the gorgeous Jurassic Coast and I only started a couple of days ago to process this experience. So while I’m processing, pondering it all, feeling all the feelings and figuring out on what to work on next to push even further, I’d like to share with you how I experienced the challenge day. This is how I remember the whole course.

Kilometer 0: Start

Saturday 7 AM: After a 15 minutes briefing from the event organiser at the start line, I felt anxious, excited and mostly determined. I never felt this worried and nervous at the starting line of an ultra event. I even started crying. But I also have never had such a briefing beforehand where the organiser explicitly warned of kilometers 66-98 due to the conditions of the terrain. The continuous storms and rain in this area have damaged the trails a lot and they warned us to not run this part and walk through the mud instead of trying to somehow make our way around it. That’s exactly when people slip and get injured. I remember thinking to myself “I only want to finish this event and cross the finish line healthy & happy. Please let me finish this healthy and happy. I can do it. Just be mindful and reasonable and make sure to enjoy the first ~66 km of running.”. The countdown from 10 to 0 started and off I went with a smile on my face.

Kilometer 1 - 75 : I’m in my zone

Oh yes, you’re reading right. I was in my zone for the first 75 kilometers. I was totally in my element. My cheeks hurt more from smiling than my legs from running 75 km (45 miles) in the burning sun and winds of 32 km/h (20 mph) and a total of ~ 1,800 m of elevation gain and descent at that point. Gosh, I love trail running. I felt so blessed to be able to run and experience this absolutely stunning coastal path.

Kilometer 75: Hitting the wall

Boom! Please believe me when I tell you that I have no idea what happened at kilometer 75. There was another uphill, nothing crazy steep with grades of ~30 degrees which I climbed before, but all of a sudden I hit a wall. Tears were falling down my face and I heard myself saying “Please no more uphills. Please no more sun. Please let me just breathe and run.” This was something completely new to me. I never felt that way whilst running - also not during my other ultra trail run challenges.

Kilometer 75 - 82: Keep going

Guess what: I marched through. Yep, I kept on going, going and going. More and more voices occurred in my head and said things like “Stop it. Just stop. It’s too painful. You’ve come such a long way already.”. This was a tedious stretch but I knew I need to make it to the next check-point and then I’ll push through until the end. Just please let me get to this next check-point. Smiling on the inside now.

Kilometer 82: Pivotal moment

At kilometer 82 I reached the next check-point. A bigger one this time where they offered some warm food. I saw two ultra runners sitting at a table eating a few slices of pizza. I was a bit confused because usually I don’t stop at check-points at all or I just refill my water flasks, go the portable loo and off I run again. I heard the two men talking about how their mates are doing. They were a few check-points behind and one even dropped out of the challenge. I started talking to them and asked how many times they’ve done this before and they said it’s their 5th time! Wow! They and myself included were really impressed that I was holding up with them! Remember, it’s my first 100 km ultra trail run and I only started running in general 3.5 years ago. So I thought, ok, they know what they’re doing. So I decided to get some warm and solid food too, warm up and have a quick breather. Luckily they had a vegan pizza bread. This was a pivotal moment. Haven’t I talked with these guys and taken the time to warm up and eat some proper food, I’m not sure if I would have made it until the end.

Kilometer 82-84: Running again - this time into the darkness

Alrighty, warmed up, fed and motivated off I went into the darkness. Head torch on and I started running again. It felt like another re-start of the challenge and my smile was visible again.

Kilometer 84-100: Zombie mode…just keep going and smile on the inside

Well, they warned us a few days before the challenge and at the start that this will be the trickiest and most dangerous part of the trails. Simply because the terrain was so muddy, slippery, uneven and partly a deep pebble beach. The event organiser said we should not run this part and walk through all of the mud and water because trying to climb around it is exactly when people slip off the edge and hurt themselves (remember we’re running along a coastal path and through fields). They weren’t exaggerating. Even if I wanted to, there was no way to actually run this bit. What I can remember of this part is that I was shivering because of the cold, it was pitch dark and I felt like a walking dead. My speech got very blurry and my beloved partner, who walked next to me bits of it, couldn’t even understand what I was trying to say. I remember saying out loud “Just keep going. Just keep going.”. I repeated this for what felt an eternity. I also said and thought to myself on repeat “I’m smiling on the inside. Smile on the inside. This is what you came for; to find out who you truly are when you feel broken and stripped down to your bones. Be the kind and grateful person you want to be. Keep smiling and be grateful.” And then there was this voice inside shouting at me “Stop it! Just stop. Pull out. You’ve come so far. Why do you punish yourself further?”. Whilst I was walking through the pebble beach that voice shouted “Why? Please PLEASE STOP THIS PEBBLE BEACH. PLEASE. PLEASE STOP IT!” And my kind and compassionate and yet determined answer to that was “This is what I came here for. I’m not punishing myself, I am growing. I’ve got so many people counting on me, rooting for me. I won’t let them now, nor will I let myself down. This is the hard part. This is why I am here. To become a better person. Keep going. Just keep going. And by the way: Stopping and pulling out IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY!”

Believe me when I tell you that these conversations seriously happened like this in my head. And guess what: Even though it was so hard and extreme, I kept on going, power walking, I never stopped or paused. I knew with every single step, I am closer to see my partner at a crossroads again and I am also getting closer to the finish line. And then there it was…

Kilometer 100: Finish line

Around 2 AM on Sunday I saw the finish line and crossed it with a big smile on my face. I mumbled “I did it! I did it! I finished it! I really finished it! I didn’t stop. I kept going. I kept on going!” It wasn’t the glorious ceremony and party as you might think because there weren’t many people at this time obviously. Well, there were exactly my partner, another supporter waiting for another runner and the staff member who gave me my medal. But it didn’t matter. I finished this challenge and now all I wanted was to be in our van, eat a bit of the subway sandwich my beloved & amazing partner ordered for me, get out of my shoes, warm up and sleep. So I did and I felt nothing but blessed for this experience.